I Might Just Move Out

I'm having kind of a bad day.

It's one of those days where I feel like I'm failing at life, which I realize is ridiculous because I can name off plenty of things I'm doing right, but I'm having a moment of self-pity I suppose.

I feel like I'm not living up to anyone's expectations, particularly my own expectations.  I'm feeling helpless, clueless, and as a result - a little hopeless.  I'm sure that in reality this isn't true, but the feelings are there from time to time and it makes me want to bury my head in the sand until I'm magically feeling better about it all.

Thing is, if I'm waiting for a magical cure-all, I'm going to be waiting a LONG time, so I should really just take care of things myself.

High up on my list is parenting Connor.  He is really well behaved for the most part when I am not around, which honestly makes me want to just move out from time to time, but when we're together he's all whining and naughtiness.  Mikayla had temper tantrums, Izzy hasn't always been a gem either, and perhaps it's because I'm just stretched thinner as a mother of 3 than I was before, but I'm pretty sure Connor secretly wants me to move out.  Ugh.

A week and a half ago during the Wizard of Oz cast/crew potluck, Spencer and Connor were eating their food while I was getting myself ready to go to a call-back for another play.  As soon as I sat back down with them Connor starting whining/complaining about his food and wanting to get down and being just plain ugly about it.  Spencer says, "he was fine until you got here."  Double UGH!

We've made some progress though.  I pulled out my good ol' behavior chart and added a reward at the end of the day for everyone age 3 and up who get's to the star at the end of the chart.  They get a hershey kiss if they get all the way there (every hour or so of good behavior gets them a step toward their star, bad behavior moves them back).  I give my daycare boy's treat to his mom for her to give him when she deems it appropriate, Connor and Izzy get theirs as soon as daycare is over (Mikayla too actually, but she doesn't need the chart).  Out of sheer desperation for not wanting to put Connor on craigslist, I also bought a cheap 5-pack of matchbox cars.  Until the cars are gone, if he is really good all day he can have one at the end of the day.  I don't think it's appropriate to keep that kind of reward going, but for the 5 times he gets one it will hopefully drive the point home that good behavior is rewarded while bad behavior gets nothing but punishment.

He's also spending more time in time out, which he hates, and he didn't like how mad I got at him yesterday when he was being particularly horrendous.  I know he's a three-year-old and it's a totally different kind of difficult than age 2 is, but sheesh!

Also, until I can get him to behave himself around me, the potty training thing just won't go well, because he doesn't seem at all apt to please me.

I'm sure I'll pull out of this funk eventually, I'm just hoping that it's sooner rather than later.

Thanks for listening!!