Keeping It Real

Parenthood, and life in general, can be exhausting, but keeping things in perspective certainly helps.

Sometimes my kids (especially my middle child) talk my ear off.  It can be enough to drive a person crazy when all you want is to not hear any voices for a few minutes.  But then I think about parents who's children don't or can't talk at all.  Those parents would give their left arm to hear their child start speaking and I'm complaining because mine talk too much.

When we are going through a vicious cycle of illness and I hear myself complaining about how someone's been throwing up for 2 days and I have to close down daycare while they recover, I think about the parents who've got it worse.  Parents who's child is going through chronic illness or cancer and miss weeks or months of work while they pray their child will survive.  It makes cleaning up vomity sheets seem like not such a bad deal.

When I find myself whining about an itchy case of eczema I think about my dad being hooked up to a colostomy bag, dealing with gout, while fighting cancer at the same time.  And I never heard him complain once.

When I'm feeling pulled in a million directions because I am over-run with children, I remember when we only had one and all the tears we shed trying to have a second little one.  And I think of the would-be parents who have struggled for years to have a child and how much they long for a child to need them.

On a similar note, when I'm rundown because the kids only want me so often, I'll think down the line when they are teenagers and just want to be independent and how I'll be their annoying mom.  I'll look back when they are 14 to when they were little and wanted me all the time and I'll wish I could go back to having tiny little arms around my leg.

When I'm stressed about money or feeling broke, I need to just be thankful that we have a roof over our head and food on the table.

And finally, when life gets to be too much and I want to run away, I'll remember to count my blessings and be thankful for what I have.

Connor: The Good Stuff

I've been complaining a lot about Connor lately, on Facebook and in my last blog post.  When I realized that too much negatives were coming out of my mouth and onto the computer screen, I wanted to write up a quick post describing some of the good things about Connor these days.  Because I love him, and he's not that little hellion I may have been making you think he is.

He is generous with compliments.  He regularly tells me and other people that he "loves" various things about them.  He tells me things like, "I love your shoes!" or "I love your eyes" or even "I love your ears".  Makes me smile! :o)

When we have living room picnics for dinner we always sit on a sheet to protect the carpet.  When we had quesadillas I was going to let the kids just sit on the carpet (not much risk of spills), but Connor insisted on a sheet.  "We need a blanket!" he told us.  A toddler's need for consistency can be a beautiful thing some times!

He likes to jump over things lately, especially bumps or cracks.  Big jumps!

He held hands with Izzy in their theater seats when we all went to see The Avengers on the big screen.

He wants to hug and kiss pretty much everyone.

When he smiles, it lights up my world.

He's my baby boy, and there is no one else quite like him.

I Might Just Move Out

I'm having kind of a bad day.

It's one of those days where I feel like I'm failing at life, which I realize is ridiculous because I can name off plenty of things I'm doing right, but I'm having a moment of self-pity I suppose.

I feel like I'm not living up to anyone's expectations, particularly my own expectations.  I'm feeling helpless, clueless, and as a result - a little hopeless.  I'm sure that in reality this isn't true, but the feelings are there from time to time and it makes me want to bury my head in the sand until I'm magically feeling better about it all.

Thing is, if I'm waiting for a magical cure-all, I'm going to be waiting a LONG time, so I should really just take care of things myself.

High up on my list is parenting Connor.  He is really well behaved for the most part when I am not around, which honestly makes me want to just move out from time to time, but when we're together he's all whining and naughtiness.  Mikayla had temper tantrums, Izzy hasn't always been a gem either, and perhaps it's because I'm just stretched thinner as a mother of 3 than I was before, but I'm pretty sure Connor secretly wants me to move out.  Ugh.

A week and a half ago during the Wizard of Oz cast/crew potluck, Spencer and Connor were eating their food while I was getting myself ready to go to a call-back for another play.  As soon as I sat back down with them Connor starting whining/complaining about his food and wanting to get down and being just plain ugly about it.  Spencer says, "he was fine until you got here."  Double UGH!

We've made some progress though.  I pulled out my good ol' behavior chart and added a reward at the end of the day for everyone age 3 and up who get's to the star at the end of the chart.  They get a hershey kiss if they get all the way there (every hour or so of good behavior gets them a step toward their star, bad behavior moves them back).  I give my daycare boy's treat to his mom for her to give him when she deems it appropriate, Connor and Izzy get theirs as soon as daycare is over (Mikayla too actually, but she doesn't need the chart).  Out of sheer desperation for not wanting to put Connor on craigslist, I also bought a cheap 5-pack of matchbox cars.  Until the cars are gone, if he is really good all day he can have one at the end of the day.  I don't think it's appropriate to keep that kind of reward going, but for the 5 times he gets one it will hopefully drive the point home that good behavior is rewarded while bad behavior gets nothing but punishment.

He's also spending more time in time out, which he hates, and he didn't like how mad I got at him yesterday when he was being particularly horrendous.  I know he's a three-year-old and it's a totally different kind of difficult than age 2 is, but sheesh!

Also, until I can get him to behave himself around me, the potty training thing just won't go well, because he doesn't seem at all apt to please me.

I'm sure I'll pull out of this funk eventually, I'm just hoping that it's sooner rather than later.

Thanks for listening!!

Lights OUT

Connor's new thing has been turning on his light, since he can now reach it without standing on anything, when he's supposed to be sleeping.

On and off it goes during nap time, which doesn't bother me much, and at night, which bothers me more.  A few nights ago it was a real problem.  He turned it on, and instead of playing the on/off game with him all night I just let him keep it on and when he fell asleep I turned it off for him and went to bed.  When I woke up to use the bathroom 5 hours later his light was back on and he was asleep again.  I turned it off and went back to bed.  When I woke up in the morning it was on again.  Clearly he wasn't getting much sleep if he was turning his light on constantly - which made him horrendously crabby the next day!

He has a night light, and I don't think at this point that it's a fear of the dark thing... I think it's more of a Connor's-being-a-booger thing.  After a Monday from hell with him, Spence and I agreed that since he can't keep his light off when he's supposed to, he will lose his lights for a while.  So I loosened his light bulbs so no matter how many times he flicks the light switch, he will get no reward.

Monday night he got a bit more sleep and was considerably less possessed-like on Tuesday.  Tuesday night he fell right asleep and got a good 12 hours of sleep.  And the verdict?  He was still just as cranky as ever this morning.  Maybe he needs more than just one good night sleep to cure him of his nastiness, we can only hope.

He wasn't happy about his "broken" lights, but I told him since he was being naughty and turning his lights on at bedtime, we took away his lights.  He doesn't like it but he doesn't seem scared of the darkness, and I know that our solution is far more to his liking then returning him to the hospital.  Plus they won't take him back... I asked.

The Day I Killed Santa

What do Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy have in common?

Less than a week ago, they all died.

At least to Mikayla they did.  A couple years ago Mikayla asked me, "Mom, are you the tooth fairy?" and since she was almost eight years old I gave it to her straight.  "Yes, I am."  and she instantly felt part of a big secret.  But she didn't ask about any of the others, and we had planned on waiting until she asked before we told her the real deal about Santa and the Easter Bunny... but she didn't ask.  Ever.

I even tried to coax it out of her last fall, knowing that Christmas would be coming up.  Asking her leading questions about if she had any questions or wanted to talk about the fact that the Tooth Fairy isn't real.  She didn't bite.

As we neared Easter we decided we'd wait until after Easter and tell her the truth, not wanting to break it to her  2 days before the holiday.  It had gotten to the point where we worried she'd start getting teased about it at school, but she takes being lied to really hard.  One of her close friends lied to her at school a few months ago and she came home sobbing like someone had chopped off her foot.  Needless to say I was a little nervous about telling her that it had all been a "lie".

The first chance we got after Easter was Monday evening on the way to Wizard of Oz rehearsal (both the girls are in the Wizard of Oz which opens in less than 2 weeks!) when it was just Mikayla in the car.

Me: Do you remember when I told you about how the Tooth Fairy isn't real and that it's really me and dad?
Mikayla: yeah?
Me: You know Santa and the Easter Bunny?
Mikayla: Are you saying they're not real too? (looking shocked and bummed)
Me: me and Dad are Santa and the Easter Bunny.
Mikayla: Does that mean nothing is real?
Me: like what things do you mean?
Mikayla: (a little bit frantic) So Leprechauns aren't real!!?
Me: (stifling a giggle) No leprechauns are not real.  These things are just fun to imagine and think about.  They're all just magical make-believe fun for kids.

She took it pretty well.  I told her that now that she was in on the secret she needed to keep the secret, and not tell anyone and ruin the fun for them.  She said it would be easy to not tell the little kids but she'd have a hard time keeping it to herself with her friends... and we were 3 minutes away from play rehearsal where there are over 100 kids of all ages.

As we pull in to the parking lot she's got her hand on her mouth saying, "Oh I'm going to tell someone! I'm going to tell someone!"  Luckily she didn't.  And since getting through that first time around friends I think she has it under control.  I'm just happy she wasn't furious with us for "lying" to her all these years, but she understood that it was for fun.

But now, as far as my oldest child goes, Santa and the Easter Bunny are gone.  But she'll still get all the goodies!  :o)

Bullies

Bullies.


         image taken from google images

Every grade has them.  Most classes have them to some extent, even among the Kindergartners (and some preschool class rooms probably I'm sure).

Mikayla is nine years old and has already dealt with a few different bullies.  In Kindergarten and 1st grade it was a couple boys who were mean to everyone and pushing them around, threatening them with nasty looks.  In second grade it was more the mean girl kind of bullying.  She's in third grade now and has a particular boy in her class that is both obnoxiously distracting and physically aggressive.  I'd pick him up by his collar and scream in his face if I didn't think I'd get arrested.

The bullying this year has just recently started, and her class has been a mess of teacher switching because her main teacher has had a lot of back problems, so when Mikayla told us about this kid last weekend I told her if it happens again to tell her new teacher.  We are hoping her new teacher is strict and vigilant about this kind of behavior and will turn it around.

If the teacher doesn't do anything or it happens again though?  We told her this:  First get in his face and yell at him in your angriest voice, "Don't hit/kick me again or I'll hit/kick you back harder!!"  And if he takes it as a challenge and keeps it up then we gave her full permission to use what she learned in 21 months of karate and knock him on his nasty little butt.  She's a really strong girl, she could do it!  We told her if she were to get in trouble for it, and only if he got physical first, we would stand up for her.

I was bullied when I was a kid.  First in Kindergarten, then again in 6th grade, with some mean-girl junk somewhere in between.  In Kindergarten I had to walk quite a ways (at least it felt like it to my 5 year old self) down the road to my bus stop.  There I'd have to wait for the bus with two other Kindergarten girls who lived right next to each other and were good friends, and little b*&#@'s.  I'd have to get there about 5 minutes before the bus came to make sure I wasn't late or anything, and then they would torment me.  Pushing me around, knocking me to the ground, and when there was snow on the ground they'd throw big hard snow chunks the plows left at me until I cried.

Once there was enough snow to have created a big mound at the end of a driveway about half the way to the bus stop, I'd crouch next to that, hidden from those girls, and watch for the bus to pull onto our street.  Then I'd have to run like hell to get to the bus stop, where the bus driver would very irritably tell me to get to the bus stop sooner so he wouldn't have to wait.  I was five.

My parents had no idea this was going on because I never let on.  I don't know why I didn't tell them, I know they would have helped me if I had told them but for some reason I didn't.  I really wish I had.  They didn't find out until after the school year I think when a neighbor mentioned to them that they had seen me sitting in that other driveway before the bus came.  I don't remember what all the story was there, but I wish she had mentioned something to my parents sooner.

In 6th grade I was sitting in the back of the bus with my little sister and 2 other 6th grade boys.  For whatever reason those boys decided I'd be their kicking bag and the object of their constant teasing.  I came home crying most days, hiding it well from my parents.  I don't know exactly why I didn't tell them about it, whether it was out of embarrassment or fear of it being worse if they did something about it.  I wish I had told them about it earlier because when I broke down crying one night and told my parents, my dad got pretty pissed at them.  He got in the van with me and I showed them where the boys lived and he drove to each house and went in to talk to their parents.  I don't know exactly what was said, but it did get better after that.  I'm glad he talked to them, and I'm sure he would have rather kicked them right back for me, but knowing my dad he was probably much more of a calm storm than what was going on in his head.

I only wish I had been the kind of kid that would have been able to stand up for myself better.  I was quiet, shy, and other than some weird game where my friends would call me "Abigail" and I'd punch them in the arm, passive.  I guess I was an easy target, which is what I don't want for my kids.

We told Mikayla, and will be talking to Izzy about as well very soon, not to let herself be an easy target, and to always come to us when stuff like that happens because we (like most parents) will always be in her corner.  At the age she's at right now, most kids will back down if the victim puts up any kind of believable fight.  "Get in their face and make them be afraid of what you will do to them" is what we told her.  It's not the kind of thing I had the guts to do in elementary school, but I really wish I had.  Lots of things made me stronger as I grew up and learned more about life, and though I'm still pretty quiet much of the time, and the idea of confrontation fills me with anxiety, I'm a lot stronger.

Bullies are everywhere, and unfortunately we can't always count on teachers and school staff to see or do anything about it.  There are lots of teachers, some that I know personally, that are fantastic anti-bullying advocates, but there are too many out there that stand idly by and do nothing, or not enough.  And if the bully's parents are told about the behavior and do nothing about it, then there's not much a school can do other than expel the child when it gets to a certain point.  We've all seen the articles and news stories about kids getting bullied to the point of suicide in middle and high school, and the teachers and staff can't be everywhere and sometimes just don't know what to do about it.  It's worse these days than when I grew up, because it's not just school, parks, neighborhoods that it happens in, it's online.  Kids are getting viciously harassed on facebook pages and through text messages. Nasty lies and names can be spread to an entire school in a matter of seconds.

I don't have the answers to the big stuff, except to raise your children to accept people for their character no matter how different they act/look/believe/are. [[edited to add: I also realize that being a strong kid and them standing up for themselves will not always save them from harassment and violence.  I don't for one second mean to imply that a child is being bullied because they aren't standing up for themselves properly, only that it can help when no one else is standing up for them. ]] I don't have the answers, but we're trying our best to raise strong daughters and a strong son that will be compassionate and stand up for themselves and their peers.  Because, unfortunately, bullies will never be a thing of the past.

Baby Products

I've raised 3 babies of my own, almost gotten through raising 3 toddlers of my own, and taken care of lots of other peoples' babies.  During this time I've bought many different infant products for our kids and tried out many more that came in the door with my daycare babies.  That said, I've formed some opinions. :o)

Everyone has their personal preferences, and what is perfect for one baby might not be ideal for another.  That said, as a starting point, here are some of my favorites.

Formula:  If you are going to use formula, unless your doctor recommends something specific for your specific baby, I recommend starting with a generic brand.  We used Up and Up (Target brand) regular iron-fortified formula for our babies.  It is exactly the same as Enfamil and costs about $10 less per can!  When you are buying several cans per month that adds up fast!  The consistency is a little different, the smell is a little different, but the nutritional content is exactly the same.  So with all the expenses babies can bring, do yourself a  favor and save some dough!

Bottles:  Again, if your doctor doesn't advise a specific bottle then here are my thoughts.  Babies often don't care what kind of bottle you use, but they often have a preference for nipple shape.  Get a couple bottles of the narrow variety and a couple of the wide variety and see what your baby likes better.  If your baby likes the narrow kind then I recommend the Gerber bottles pictured above.  They are really cheap, easy to clean, and in my opinion just as good as the fancy ones with the vents and the special gizmos that redirect air.  If your baby has a bad reflux problem it wouldn't hurt to give a fancy bottle a try, but I wouldn't go out and buy a bunch of them until you know that it will help.  The gerber ones are cheap enough that if you are away from home and leave one somewhere, you won't be kicking yourself because you're really only out about a buck or two.  The playtex bottles with the drop-in inserts are really nice for clean up, but it's hard to tell exactly how much milk your baby has drank from it unless he or she drinks the whole thing.  Might be a good option for a baby that routinely drinks the whole bottle of milk.  

Diapers:  When our babies are newborns I really like the expensive Pampers Swaddlers.  They are soft and they have a yellow line down the diaper that turns blue if the baby has peed, which is helpful when they are just born and you are literally counting wet diapers.  When they get a little bigger and outgrow the swaddlers we switch to, once again, Up and Up brand.  Pampers are nice, but expensive for something that is only going to be worn for a couple hours or less and then pooped in.  I don't like Huggies because they seem so rigid to me which appears uncomfortable.  Luvs and Up and Up are my favorite diapers to buy.  You'll be buying diapers for years so you might as well start saving that money for more important things and give the good-but-inexpensive ones a shot!

Wipes:  Once again... Up&Up.  Nobody from Up&Up is sponsoring this post, they don't know who I am, and I'm not making a dime on this post, I just really like their products!  I HATE Huggies brand wipes.  When I wipe baby butts with the huggies ones there are often wipe-fibers coming off and giving me more to wipe up, also they can be a pain to get out of the wipes container once they get down a bit.  Pampers are ok.  I love the Up&Up unscented cloth-like wipes!  They are soft, don't fall apart, easy to remove from the container, do a thorough job, and are inexpensive!  I was at the dollar store once and saw they had wipes, so I figured I'd give those a shot... they were awful and I ended up throwing them away.  They were so strongly scented with this horrid perfume smell that it grossed me out more than the poop I was cleaning up!

Diaper rash cream:  Now this is a category that I have tried the heck out of!  I am constantly recommending Desitin Maximum Strength to all my daycare baby's parents.  I've tried various ointments, boudreaux's butt paste, burt's bees diaper cream, Desitin creamy, and a wide variety of others.  What I've learned is that Desitin Maximum Strength is hands down the only thing worth spending your diaper rash treatment money on!  The maximum strength desitin is the same as Desitin Original.  Every other kind of rash cream takes at least 4 times as much to gob onto their little rear-ends, and far more applications to work.  With the maximum strength stuff you just need a little bit to coat the rash, apply it at each diaper change and the rash is usually gone in about a day.  

The only negative is that it can sting if the rash is severe.  If the rash is severe then skip the desitin until it's healed a little more and then use it.  In the mean time try A&D ointment, pictured below.  It is a soothing ointment that can be used for not only diaper rashes, but dry-chapped skin in other areas too.  It doesn't work very fast to treat a diaper rash, but it can help heal it enough to use the desitin maximum strength.  Please do not buy Desitin Creamy... it falls into that category described above that doesn't work... repeat after me... "Creamy is Crap".  Desitin Maximum Strength is where it's at!

So there you have it, take it or leave it. :o)  

Sensory Play is Important and Fun!

Although it can be really messy, sensory tables or bins are great for preschoolers and toddlers, and fun for older kids too!  Infants and young children learn by using all of their senses.  You put something in front of a baby and what will the baby do? They will put it in their mouth, see how it tastes, how it feels in their mouth and hands, smell it, shake it and see if it makes noise!

This is why most preschools and day cares will employ some sort of sensory table/bin/box or other forms of sensory play.  Sensory play can be found in sandboxes, pools and water buckets, walking barefoot in the grass, picking up snow with bare hands, crafts with ribbons, sand paper, pom poms, scented markers, cotton balls scented with essential oils or baking extracts, dry rice, bird seeds, pebbles or aquarium rocks, cooking, and when babies are involved - mouthing everything they can find!  Obviously keep your child's age in mind when you plan what you will use so your little one doesn't eat something or choke.  For little ones who still put everything in their mouth you can use edible things like finger painting with pudding, or playing with jello.  There are tons of other things to use as well, google Sensory Play or Sensory Table Ideas.

 I recently filled our small sensory bin with red and white beans.  It was a huge hit!  I provided measuring cups, small cups to scoop with and into, spoons, kitchen set toys, and little ladles.

 They were able to practice scooping, pouring and transfer skills.  They learned what happened when they filled a larger dish with beans and then tried to pour the contents into a smaller dish, and why that happened.

 They made patterns and pictures with the beans, they counted beans, they made hand prints in the bin with the beans, and ran them through their hands and fingers.  On day two of the bean bin we put the whole bin in the fridge for a couple hours and played with them cold for a new experience!

Sure I spent a lot of my time scooping beans back into the play area and bin, but the extra clean up is well worth the learning experience they had!

It's Random and I Make Up Words

Get ready for the random vomiting of info you didn't know you needed to know and really don't need to know.

Ready?

1.  Little Man was up surprisingly late last night just talking to himself and anyone who'd listen in his bed.  Spence and I were watching season six of How I Met Your Mother on dvd when the phone rang at about 8:50, and we immediately hear LM call out in his most cheerful and helpfullest voice, "Phone ringing!!", which of course caused us to laugh our butts off for a good 10 minutes.  

Fast forward to this morning and he's just not quite himself.  By mid morning he was crying and telling me in his most saddest and desperatest voice, "My ear hurts!"  I gave him a dose of Tylanol and but it didn't help, he was in too much pain for the meds we had on hand and it would be a while before one of us could get him to the clinic.  After a few hours Spence was able to get home and got him checked out... double ear infection.

Between emotional pain and physical pain, I have to say one of the hardest parts about being a parent is when you can't take the pain away.  But hopefully by morning, once he's had a few doses of antibiotics, he'll be feeling better.

2.  I feel like I might possibly be falling apart.  Between recurring back pain, a weird puffy-eyed allergy thing, and my achy knees, one of which is worse than the other, I may be falling apart.  I've had on and off knee problems since I fell in the garage almost a year ago, and right now it's behaving strangely.  It doesn't hurt to squat or bend down, it doesn't hurt to kneel, it mostly just hurts to lift my knee up in front of me.

I'm pretty sure that it all does NOT mean that I need to, oh I don't know... exercise more or something.  What I'm pretty sure it DOES mean is that I need to take naps and eat more cookies.  Which is fabulous timing since it is almost cookie season Christmas time.  

3.  This year for Thanksgiving we split it up so that we celebrated with Spencer's family a couple weekends before and with my family on Thanksgiving day.  It was fantastic only having one place to go that day!  It's just so much easier to enjoy family time when you're not watching a clock so you don't show up at the next place too late.  It. Was. Wonderful.  I wish Christmas could be the same way, but we have a lot more people to try to see during that holiday so I can't even imagine a time in the nearish future where we only have one place to go to on each day (Christmas eve and Christmas day). 

4.  We're pretty hooked on How I Met Your Mother and have been waiting a long time to watch season 6 on dvd because during the actual season 6 we were watching seasons 1-5 on dvd.  We like to try to figure out who of our friends are each character on the show.  I wonder if every group of friends can think of someone who kinda sorta closely resembles each of those characters.  

5.  If this random post is extra random and the run-on sentences drove you nuts, I apologize.  I typed it all while watching Parenthood (the nbc tv show) which is pretty much an awesome show.  The only thing that really bugs me is that all the characters seem to have the same "voice".  Not sure if that's an acting issue or a writing issue, but I still love the show.

Now if you'll excuse me, we need to go finish the last disc of HIMYM Season 6.  And it will most certainly be Legon....wait for it.... Dary!

You Never Know

We've all seen it.

You're at the store, just trying to get a little shopping done, and there is a woman with her kids nearby.  And the kids are acting like little boogers.  Maybe they're crying, maybe screaming, maybe demanding one thing or another, but they are just being boogers.

You've probably seen this scene and thought to yourself why can't she get a handle on her kids? These kids must have no discipline at all!  What little snots, just get them out of the store and ground them already!

Don't even try to tell me that thoughts like that haven't passed through your brain, because we're human and we can't help but judge once in a while.

The thing is, and you'll know this if you are a parent (especially the parent who does most of the child-rearing)...

You just never know what happened earlier that day. or week. or hour.

Maybe those kids are normally very well behaved.  They could be at home right now sitting quietly doing calculus while dreaming up ways to better the world, but at that moment they were tired/hungry/teething/going through something rough.  Kids have bad days just like you.  Only we are adults and have (hopefully) learned how to control our emotions and moodiness a little better over the years.  And honestly?  Have you never lost it and acted like a fool because you had hit your breaking point?

Perhaps you're reading this and not blaming the kids for acting like the boogers they were being, but are blaming that mom who seems to not care.

Chances are, she cares a lot.  You don't know what happened before that moment.  Perhaps the kids have been cranky and unbearable all day, should that stop her from picking up something she needed?  I'm SURE she wouldn't have chosen to go to the store with cranky children if there was a way to leave them home.

You have no idea what her life is like, you have no idea what the kids' life is like, you have no idea because you are not the one walking in her shoes.  What may seem like obliviously ignoring a child's tantrum in public, may actually be her straw breaking the camel's back and it's all she can do to not scream bloody murder herself right there in the store.

My kids are generally pretty great in public, but there was a trip to a local thrift store semi-recently in which Little Man lost his ever-lovin-mind and turned into a child I did NOT know.  He was screaming, crawling/rolling on the floor, and crying.  I was so not used to that that I really didn't know what to do!  There was no talking him off that ledge, he really just needed to GO, but I needed to make my purchase before I could get the hell out of there.  I tried to look like I was doing something about it, tried to calm him down, but the only thing I really could do was check out as quick as possible and run for it.  I probably looked calm... I usually do... but inside I was dieing.  People around me were probably thinking some of the things from that third paragraph up there, but they weren't in my head, they aren't in my house, they are not me.

So instead of jumping to harsh judgement when you see the next public outburst of naughty child behavior and seemingly oblivious parenting, stop.  Think about what might possibly be going on in that families life that day, and instead of a look of horror, give her a look of  "I feel for ya" sympathy, or better yet - pretend it's not happening so she can get on with what she needs to do and get those kids home to bed!

Support each other, don't judge each other.

New Blog Name - The Reason

Like I mentioned recently I wanted to change the name of the blog, so I did!

What do you think?

It's common knowledge to any woman who's birthed children, and I imagine any mother who adopted as well, that babies and young children suck the brains right out of your head.  They aren't even nice enough to wait until they are born either, they suck it from you in utero.

When you have children there is just SO MUCH to think about at all times and so many distractions (just now Little Man is whacking me on the arm to get my attention because he wants more candy) that it's hard to remember little things like where did I put my keys?  Or When is that meeting again?  Or What's my name?


My brain is so jam packed with child-related information that it is literally bursting at the seams.  Well, not literally... that would be a pretty gross mess, a mess that I most likely would have to clean up myself.

Once upon a time I was a smart person, with a great memory, straight A's, you get the picture.  Then I became a Mom and had to fill my brain with things like which ointments/creams work on what kinds of rashes, safe fever temperatures and other illness related cures, discipline strategies, sleep and eating schedules, sports and girl scouts schedules, who needs what items of clothing, who wants what for birthdays and Christmas, and all the other stuff that piles up in a mom's brain throughout the years.  If you're a mom, you know that I haven't even covered the tip of the brain-crushing iceberg in this paragraph.

So there you have it, the reason for the new blog name...

I used to have a brain.  Now I have small children, and although I miss my brain and hope to hear from it again some day, I love it!

Parent of the Year?

I've been gone a while, and I apologize.  I guess there's only so much "extra-curricular" fun I can handle, and my evenings have been full of reading, watching tv and netflix streaming, spending time with spence, and spending time with friends.  Blogging time has suffered!

So because my blogging has suffered, I thought I'd share something that may be a tad controversial?  Now, since I am a daycare provider/preschool teacher, you may think my free time playing with my kids would be full of songs, board games, reading, skipping, bike rides, and the like.  While my work hours are most definitely spent like that, this is what we played after daycare was over one day last week - and keep in mind it was initiated by my daughter... not me!

Hey! At least it was the shady side of the tree!


Disclaimer: she wanted to be tied up ("captured") and I unwrapped her before I went inside... wouldn't want any police or neighbors driving by to get the wrong idea!

Pregnancy: After Effects

Pregnancy lasts 9 months, or 10 months depending on how you count it, but after the baby is born and your body ceases to be a vessel for growing tiny humans - you'll find things are never quite the same again.

After effects of pregnancy, in my case:

Stretch marks, though they fade, they never go away.

When I buckle my seatbelt I still automatically place it as low on my abdomen as possible, under the imaginary baby bump.

My surgeon was AMAZING and my c-section scar is barely noticable, and it's only been two years.  But it does remain.

Throughout many collective months of "morning" sickness and gagging everytime I brushed my back teeth, I still have trouble with that.  When I brush right away in the morning I have to be careful where my tongue is or I gag, later in the morning or day I'm fine. Apparently morning sickness can remain long after babies are born?

After months of eating healthier, minimizing caffeine, not so much as a drop of alcohol touching my lips, once my babies were born and nursing allowed, I said goodbye to vitamins, and hello to my daily pot of coffee and my occasional beer/wine.  I probably eat the worst after I have my babies than I do at other times, because after months of my body belonging to the baby, I wanted it back!

That little mommy-pouch below the bellybutton, unless you are one of those tiny hundred-pound mommas, are incredibly difficult to get rid of... though I persevere.

I have at times been so convinced that intestinal rumblings were little baby kicks that I once took a pregnancy test to make sure.  Many gas bubbles feel like early-on baby kicks.

And then there's the whole - "there's a child in my house" part. 

As far as I'm concerned I'm done with the having babies thing, so maybe these things will go away eventually? (Except the whole "child in my house" thing... that takes at least 18 years).

I know there's more to add to this list, so what have you got?!

Why I LOVE My Chore Cart

Last month while browsing blogs, I discovered a new chore chart that I was really excited about.  Part of my excitement was the fact that I already had the pocket chart (though mine is WAY too big and I had to fold it in half and pin it to make it shorter), so all I had to do was print out the cards, laminate them, cut everything out, and get started!

My girls were excited about the chore chart as well!  They loved the tickets they would earn, stars on a reward card, the idea of earning prizes or money that they could save up and go shopping with.  If they complete every chore by their name then they get a sticker on their reward card.  6 stickers fills the reward card which can then be exchanged for a prize/reward.  If they only do some of their chores then they get a ticket for each chore they completed.  Tickets are supposed to be traded in for really small prizes, or money.  My biggest concern when I first hung up the chart was the fact that the tickets could be traded in for small prizes.  With clean up prizes already being given out, I didn't want a surplus of small useless odds and ends laying around.  I was also a little worried about the cost of the larger prizes adding up. 

I decided that tickets could be exchanged for quarters, and completed reward cards could be traded for either a trip to the dollar store, or larger prizes from a prize bag.  They usually finish all their chores every day so there aren't a lot of tickets being handed out, but a lot of stickers make their way onto those reward cards!  My "big" prizes have been found mostly in the dollar section of Target, so they are cheap but the kids don't know it!

The girls also like that everything is visual - they can see exactly what chores they need to accomplish that day, and it's satisfying for them to physically move the chore cards down to the "all done" row.  They also like that their chores are not the same every day, except for the homework and pet-related cards.

I also love that it changes every day.  Chore charts in the past haven't worked because our chore needs change all the time.  I needed to be able to customize it every day.  Every night or morning I can decide what I want them to do based on what needs to be done.  If I know there will be a load of kids laundry that needs to get started in the morning, I can assign that chore to Sweet Pea.  If the floors aren't too dirty but could use a light mopping I can assign it to Babydoll.  If I have a sink full of pots and large stuff to wash, I'm not going to assign dishes to either of them... it's just too much for them to get clean.  I love the daily customization it allows! 

Every day Sweet Pea (age 8) is assigned the same two chores: Homework (which includes her daily reading aloud, spelling practice, and the once-per-week worksheets that come home), and filling the dog and cat's water bowl.  Then depending on the day she usually has 2 more chores, but if it's going to be a really busy evening I'll only give her one more so she has the best chance at succeeding.  Every day Babydoll (age 4) is assigned "feed dog" and "feed cat" and is given two other chores based on our needs that day. 

Some of the chores Sweet Pea gets are: clean litter box, start laundry, fold laundry, clean bedroom, vacuum, sweep kitchen, mop kitchen, make bed, and empty dishwasher.  Some of Babydoll's have been: sweep kitchen, mop kitchen, fold laundry, pick up bathroom (keep things put away and tidy, not actually cleaning it), dishes (sort of), make bed, clean bedroom, and set the table for dinner.

There are also "best bee-havior" cards that are supposed to be handed out for especially fantastic behavior.  Babydoll earned one when she voluntarily cleaned their very messy room without any kind of coaxing or help from anyone. And she did a very good job, so I gave her a "bee-havior" card.  She then got to exchange that for something fun - she chose a playdate with her friend, who then came over to play the next morning.  Sweet Pea earned one, though it was a month ago now and I can't remember what it was for.  It was something above and beyond typical expectations.  She also chose to have a friend over for the afternoon.

The very best part of this new system? I haven't had to beg/plead/nag at all!  I simply ask (if I even have to) if they finished their chores, and with a quick look they can either answer that they had, or can choose to do the chore.  It isn't a power struggle, I don't fret if they don't get every chore done or punish them for it, they simply get a "lesser" reward (which really isn't even a lesser reward consider the "bigger" prizes are still pretty cheap!)  They have been doing their chores now for one month without complaining or grumbling, except a couple times when they were bummed to have the same chore two days in a row. 

So there you go folks, a chore chart that actually works and is fun for the kids!  I wish I could take credit for it but I can't.  I found it at Confessions of a Homeschooler.  You can find the link in my initial post about this chart, here.

The Secret to Cleaning with Little Kids

I have a mental list of projects that need doing.  One of which was to clean my room.  This was going to mostly involve putting a lot of laundry away, and probably re-washing laundry as well, since most of the problem that was there was some stacked up laundry baskets full of clean clothes that hadn't been put away, and a box and laundry basket of the kids stuff and some odds and ends that had been put in our room "until we got around to dealing with them".  Add to that a pack-n-play, a chair, and the disconnected footboard of our bed, and it was really annoying me.  The baskets were all stacked against the dresser and closet, the pack-n-play in another corner near our tiny non-functioning tv, and the footboard was leaning against our bed during the day and against the pack-n-play during the night. 

The main issue was that I was always having to move the footboard around twice a day and I couldn't really get at our tiny closet.  I'm not as able to straighten up our room because either A) someone is sleeping in there, or B) someone is sleeping directly accross the hall from there.
Then last Saturday night something rare happened.  All three kids slept over at Spencer's parents' house!  Not because we asked them to watch them so we could go somewhere, but just because they wanted to have the kids over.  The girls spent most of the day with Nana and Papa and Little Man joined them at dinnertime.  That night after seeing Black Swan with Spencer, I started my project.  There was a lot of laundry washed, dried, folded, hung, and actually put away that night!
Between cleaning our room, doing 8 Billion loads of laundry (between our dirty clothes, clean-but-sitting-too-long clothes, daycare bedding, and the kids clothes), and straightening up the living room which had been laundry/organizing central all evening, I was astonished at how quickly I could get things done without little kids in the house! 

I read somewhere that Rule #1 to having a clean house is Not to have young children.  Well, crap.  I have 3 young children of my own, and 5 others that come on various days at various times to live here during the day.  I've come to the realization that I can NOT keep up all the house cleaning while taking care of all these young children!  I can choose to have a spotless house, or have young children in the house... I definately choose the kids!  If I spend a Saturday cleaning...my kids are mostly left to entertain themselves, and this typically means they will mess up areas which I have just cleaned.  I can not just ignore my daycare kids while I scrub down the house and do a couple billion loads of laundry... their parents do not pay me to clean my own house while their children wander about all day.  The only thing that works is a balance of sorts, and getting the kids involved in the process.

When I have an interview in the evening, I can't just wait until the kids are in bed to get my cleaning done, it has to look nice before dinnertime.  This means I have extra cleaning to do during those days.  What I've learned to do during those days is give the kids lots of cleaning jobs throughout the day.  Extra clean-up times, sweep the floor, dust the living room, and one of their favorites (and a total time-sucker) cleaning stuff with baby wipes.  Asking a 4-year-old to sweep the floor will not earn me a totally swept floor.  It will, however, earn me time to load the dishwasher or clean the mirrors, while they are busy doing something that is NOT spreading every kitchen toy througout the house.  I give them extra table activities (clean ones) that are both educational and fun so I can run a vacuum around the carpet edges.  I have the preschoolers read to the toddlers (if they'll sit for it... which they usually don't) and help them clean up toys. 

Even the toddlers like cleaning with baby wipes.  I'll give them one of Little Man's wipes and they find random toys, areas of floor, and walls to "clean".  The kids all learn to help out, they like doing chores they don't usually get, I tend to bring out table activities they haven't seen in a while - which is always more fun for them, and I get a few extra minutes to wipe down the bathroom.

I have a "perfect pick-up" chart where the kids put stickers in the row by their name when they work hard to clean up every single toy at clean up times.  Sometimes we play the "clean up game" where I pick a toy in my mind that is not put away, and then I say, "Go!" and they work like mad to clean up as many things as they can, because if they are the one that winds up putting the secret toy away, they get 2 stickers on the pick-up chart!  Once they get 10 stickers they get to pick a prize from a bag I have full of things like happy meal toys and party favors.  Cheap stuff that will make them feel like they've earned something for all their hard work, and their parents can toss when the kid gets bored with the item after a week.


So, while the secret to keeping a house clean all the time is really to not have young children in the house, getting them involved in the process - no matter how little they are actually doing to get the house clean - will result in a house that is at least "lived-in clean", and will give them the practice they need so that at some point they will be able to really mop/sweep/vacuum/do dishes.  Letting them help also is good for burning off energy and building up their confidence in their ability to do "grown up" stuff. 

If you've got little ones at home, get them involved when you're cleaning and you won't have to pull your hair out because while you just spent 20 minutes cleaning out the refrigerator - your child just dumped every stinkin toy out onto the living room floor.  Your little mess-maker will eventually be a big help to your daily chore list!

I need to update you on how the new chore chart is working. I love it even more than I did when I hung it up and I can't wait to tell you more about it!

All that said, if you have a toddler in the house... you're just going to have to come to grips with the fact that things will not be smooth sailing until they are a little bit older.  There are days like today, where keeping the house clean just doesn't really happen because half the family is sick, and the toddler is cranky and climbing on tables every chance he gets.  Though your toddler will make things difficult to keep up with, give yourself a little slack - preschoolers on up can, and want to, help out quite a bit! 

I can't wait until the kids are old enough to be trusted with doing the dishes.. because keeping up with the never-ending supply of dirty dishes and dirty laundry is still my biggest struggle.

The Tantrum Issue Resolved... sort of.

Remember the tantrum? The only thing making diaper changes do-able was Teddy.  They went a little better when I had him use the potty chair (and when I say "use" I mean sit on for a second and jump up to wash his hands) because he likes to wash his hands when he's done, and when I change him in the bathroom he sees the sink and can see that he's going to get to wash his hands. 

You may be asking why I didn't just tell him he'd get to wash his hands after his diaper changes in his room... well, he was always too busy flipping out to notice I was talking.

So, since we have an extra teddy on hand at all times (one of my more brilliant purchases) I went ahead and gave in, letting him hold it during diaper changes.  And because the temper tantrums were getting to me big time, I let him walk around with his teddy whenever he wanted to these last few days.

Where's Teddy?

The "only at bedtime" rule has been for a couple of reasons:

1.) If he lost it around the house we'd be searching for it at bedtime... don't want to do that.

2.) We had every intention of helping him lose the thumb sucking habit, and getting Teddy at bedtime would help make him more willing to go to bed even though he couldn't suck his thumb... except we haven't really found anything that works well for us to help him quit the thumb sucking.  (My mom can wrap his thumb in a strip of cloth and he'll leave it alone, but I haven't gotten that to work myself)

My resolve has been broken by the fact that we do have two identical Teddys.  And by the fact that he is still very much a thumb sucker.  Does anyone have any tried and true methods for helping a toddler quit the habit??

There he is!

He loves that bear so much and it provides quite a bit of comfort for him which makes for a much happier Little Man, and a MUCH happier and less stressed Mommy!



The Tantrum

The tantrum.

Every child, no matter how angelic...



 eventully has them.

My son has been having them every single time he needs his diaper changed. 

It's as if I was taking him to the firing squad, or pulling off his limbs.

Of course, he only does this for me and is fine for Spencer... the lucky poo-head.

He does the whole arched-back, limp body, fall to the floor, crying and shrieking thing every time.  I've tried all my tricks, and the only thing that provides some relief is letting him hold his teddy.  This, however, is not an acceptable option because A) Teddy is only for bedtime and B) Little Man has had too many less-than-fun-to-change-and-very-messy diapers lately and poor Teddy is bound to end up with a poo facial.

I've tried forcing him to walk the whole way, carrying him (getting heavy!), a combination of the two.  I've tried ignoring his screaming, scolding him, singing to him, sweet-talking him, gently holding him down until he stops thrashing so I can change him, and it's getting to me! 

Perhaps I can just stop changing his diapers until Spence gets home at the end of the day? 

((Sigh))

Why I don't do Resolutions

***Disclaimer: Lots of people like, and follow through with, new years resolutions. This post is by no means designed to boo-hoo you into giving up the whole resolution idea... I just have.***


I said it a year ago, and I'll say it again today, I don't do new years resolutions anymore.  I never fulfill them which leaves me feeling like an inadequate failure, so why set myself up?

A year ago, instead of a "resolution" I made a "to do" list.  Same stinking difference really, except instead of one thing it was a list... a list of things to possibly accomplish, possibly fail at.
Perhaps the problem is in the timing.  Perhaps making a resolution or to-do list on the first of the year is the problem.  Perhaps the reason why is because when we make a new years resolution, and then fail on day fillintheblank, we figure its over, admit defeat, and go back to our old ways?

Now I don't think we should just avoid setting goals for ourselves.  We need to grow as people throughout our lives, and goal setting is definitely a part of that, but maybe resolutions or similar goal-setting should not be done on the first of the year?

From New Year's Eve's standpoint, however, the first of the year is a convenient time to set goals and track them from.  This time of year many people are reflecting on their past year, habits, and things they'd like to change.  So much so that it has a fad-esk sort of feel to it.  And we all know what happens with fads... they eventually die, only to be reborn again at a later date (like the next December 31st).  That's not to say that all resolutions will fail, mine just tend to! :o)

In the past year I did not get my gold belt, but that's fine.  I didn't get as organized as I'd like to be, but I definitely made progress.  Though I wouldn't say I'm in better shape than I was before, I am thinner and feeling better about all that.  I'm going to have to start actually exercising if I am going to get stronger... and I just plain don't want to.

While I didn't accomplish all my to-do list goals, I did have an eventful year.  I somehow managed to keep blogging most days throughout the past year (which for me is amazing since most forms of entertainment don't hold my interest beyond 2 or 3 weeks!).  I successfully cooked a steak, it was delicious.  I had an amazing time doing The Sound of Music with Sweet Pea last summer.  We became godparents to the son of some dear friends of ours.  I met new people, made new friends.  I've continued to grow in my faith and read the Bible more often.  Overall I've had a pretty good year.  Money has been tight but Spencer, the kids, and I are closer than ever!

I'm still trying to become more organized. I am working on remembering that while I have free will and make choices for myself, it is God who is in control of the big picture of my life and His timing and plan are perfect. While I'm optimistic at heart, when things get stressful I have a hard time noticing the silver linings, and I am trying to slow down and see the good more often.  I will continue to strive to teach my children to be considerate of others, respectful of themselves and others, empathetic, to think for themselves, and to help them grow their relationship with God. 

There are a million other things I'd like to accomplish this year, and I will take them one at a time, but I'm not making a resolution or an official goal for 2011.  I'm just going to take things one day at a time and keep plugging away at the things about myself and my life that I want to work on.

What has been your history with resolutions? How do you feel about New Years Resolutions?

When I was a (dumb) curious kid

The temp is dropping here in the icy state of Minnesota, this morning it was well below freezing.  The mid-sized kids just went outside and the compact-sized kids have to stay in this morning.  While I was sending the mid-sized kids out, I warned them not to lick anything or their tongues would stick to it and it would hurt really bad. 

Why do I know this?  Because I was warned as a child not to lick metal in the winter or my tongue would stick. 

Did I listen? Not really.

Generally speaking I was an obedient child, but I also have a curious nature - and you know what they say about curiosity. 

Curiosity led me to learn about lots of different and wonderful things throughout my life, but it wasn't so helpful one cold day when I was little.

I'm not sure how old I was, I was no older than eight though because it was at my "old" house.  My neighbor friend and her 74 big brothers were over in our yard sledding down the hill, through the open gate, and onto the frozen creek. 

After sledding for a while, I looked at the metal chain-link fence that I'm pretty sure I had just ridden my sled into and wondered, does your tongue really stick to frozen metal, or is that just something grown ups say to you so you don't lick stuff?

And so I nonchalantly stood up to the fence, and put my tongue on it. 

And I was stuck.

Not wanting to panic or ask for help (I've never been good at asking for help) I thought I could pull my tongue off. 

So I put my lips on the bar for leverage.

And they got stuck too.

I don't know how many seconds or minutes I stood like that, not sure what to do, but I would have been mortified if my neighbor friend and her 74 brothers knew what had happened.  The fear of being laughed at was too great.  In fact my friend saw me and asked if I was ok.

I responded with , "lm lhm" in a very "yep, I'm just hanging out by the fence" kind of way.

It was time to free myself, so I did the only thing I could think of to do...

I braced myself, and yanked my face back away from the fence pole.

holy frankfurters did that hurt!!

I looked at the fence in front of me and there, staring at me, was the outer layer of skin from my tongue and lips!

I don't remember sledding anymore that day, but I do remember trying to figure out how to explain my mangled appearance to my parents without looking like a total idiot.  I thought I had told them that I was sledding and crashed into the fence in such a way that my mouth got stuck to the top bar on the fence, but my parents tell me I fessed up at dinner when they asked what was wrong with my mouth.

So now, every year, I warn the kids not to put their mouths on anything outside or they'll get stuck, and it will hurt, and that I know this because I did it when I was a kid.

And then I shake my head at myself for being such a dumb curious kid.