Little Man is fascinated by tongues

It was a really fun, busy weekend and I'm pooped, so here are some pictures from earlier this month.  Spencer was trying to teach Little Man how to curl his tongue. :o)

Little Man things tongues are funny and must be grabbed!

Kids Can Be Really Gross - second installment

This is a conversation Babydoll and I had while driving home from the cabin this weekend.

Babydoll: I've got a booger stuck in my teeth!

Me: Ew, how did it get there?

BD:  I bite it and I chewed it.

Me:  That's pretty gross honey.

~~ A few minutes later ~~

BD:  I got the booger out of my teeth!

Me:  Really?  how did you do that?

BD: I stuck my tongue in my teeth and got it out.

Me:  What did you do with it?

BD:  I swallowed it.   It tastes YUMMY!


Um yeah.... kids can be gross!

Turtles are the Trick

A couple weekends ago my mother-in-law offered to take me and the kids to a hotel pool in our town.  She had coupons and the kids wanted to swimming so it was perfect! 

I knew Sweet Pea would jump in and swim right away.  She's taken a few years of on and off swimming lessons and can swim well enough to have fun in the water.  I wasn't sure though how Babydoll and Little Man would do.  When BD was in the preschool level swimming lessons last summer she started off great, she was the gutsiest kid in her class, eagerly jumping off the edge into my arms, not that afraid to go under the water a little, she loved it.  She had loved it so much I bought her a pair of those little arm floaties.  You know the one's that look like giant neon biceps on a tiny child?  The next time we went swimming where we could use them, she had started doing a little bit of swimming with the floaties on and without me holding her.  Well I guess I pushed it just a little too far and she ended up scared to swim on her own.  So when we went to the pool this month, she had on a "puddle jumper" life jacket.  It's not a real life jacket, just something to make them float so they can get comfortable "swimming" on their own.  BD would not let me let go of her for a second in that pool!  Not only did I have to be holding her, but I had to have two hands on her pretty much the whole times.

This is her eating a granola bar, I didn't get any pictures of her in the water, I was holding her the whole time.

Even though she wouldn't let me let her go she had a blast!  Some of you may be saying I should have just let go of her to show her that she could do it, but I had crossed that line last summer and ruined all the progress she had made, and I needed to build that trust back, so I held on to her. 

Sweet Pea found a ball that the hotel had set out for kids to play with, and she abandoned her swimming noodle for it.  She was swimming like a fish, jumping off the sides, and having a great time. 

You saw the floaty turtle LM was in in the first photo right?  My sister got it for him for his birthday!  I had tried those types of things with both the girls when they were babies, and they didn't really care for them.  SP tolerated it somewhat, but didn't last long.  BD hated, and I mean, "don't put me in that thing if you want your ears to work again cuz I'll scream" hated our floaty.  So when my sister got LM the turtle I was hoping he would at least tolerate it for a while, and at the very least let me put him in it for 2 seconds, but wasn't too optimistic. 

You know what?  He loved it!

He would lean over and stick his hand in the water and start splashing until he started to move.  He splashed himself all around the shallow end of the pool (whether on purpose or not, he was having fun with what he was doing!) for over an hour.  I was a nervous wreck though since I had to have two hands on BD and LM had that turtle leaning so far to the side I kept thinking he was going to tip it over and be scared to death.  My mother-in-law was watching him like a hawk, but she wasn't in the pool and even if she told me the second he tipped, I knew he'd be so scared that he might not want to go back in the water.  And I still had to include Sweet Pea in our play, and get some play time with her. 

After about an hour and a half we changed clothes, packed up, picked up Spence who wasn't feeling well and had stayed home, and went to a Chinese buffet for dinner.  Yummy!!  I'm looking forward to getting the kids in pools at least a few more times this summer!  Especially since we have the floaty turtle!

Our story of Grief and Joy - Part 4

If you haven't been following along before now, click here to start with Part 1. 

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After losing two babies and having no answers as to what had happened, we were told we should wait at least 1 whole cycle before trying again.  This was tough because we were worried after trying to have a second child for over a year that it would never happen for us.  It had taken us almost a year to get pregnant the last time and I didn't want to wait any longer.  In the end we waited one full cycle before trying again... 2 months was just out of the question at this point.  I set up an appointment with my OB to go over a plan for how we would monitor the next pregnancy, and what could be done to help it along.

August 3, 2005   wednesday

We waited one cycle and now I'm on cycle day 12 of our 2nd month.  I had an appointment with Dr. Keller today to talk about fertility and sustaining the next pregnancy.  She gave me a prescription for progesterone which I take twice a day from ovulation through the first trimester (or until I get my period if I don't get pregnant).  They also did a lot of blood work - they took 8 vials of blood for the tests - which wont come back for a couple weeks.  I've been taking my temperatures each morning which have stayed fairly even, so it should be easy to tell when I have ovulated.  I'm also doing my ovulation predictor tests the same way every morning right when I wake up. 

*                           *                           *                       *

August 15, 2005   monday

I got my blood work results back on thursday and there was definitely something there.  It showed that I most likely have Antiphospholipid Syndrom, which is a blood clotting disorder I think.  One main symptom is repeated loss of pregnancies.  So this is the reason for my miscarriages.  When we get pregnant again I will need to see a high-risk OB, and be monitored more closely.  I am already taking one baby asprin per day and I will most likely be doing that for the rest of my life.

This is a very rare disorder and Dr. Keller said that most doctors don't know much about it.  I feel very relieved that we figured this out so that our next baby can have a better chance.

*                     *                        *                     *

September 28, 2005   wednesday

A second blood test showed that I don't have the disorder they previously thought, but I'm thinking of getting a third test and go 2 out of 3.

      

I found out later that the reason the first test was positive, was because it was supposed to be done after fasting for 12 hours or something, but I had eaten meals that day because no one had told me not to! Nice huh??

We found out I'm pregnant just this past Saturday (9/24/05) but already it's not looking good.  I started spotting on Monday morning.  I went in for an hcg test yesterday evening and they called me today saying it was 81, which she said is low for how far I am.  I'll go back thursday evening for more blood work and will get the results of that back friday.  My lower back, all the way around to the sides of my abdomen are achy, but that could just be my body stretching. 

If we lose this baby, I don't know how I'll make it through starting another pregnancy.

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September 30, 2005   friday

The nurse was wonderful enough to call me back right away this morning before 9:00!  Usually I wait and pace until I eventually call them to find out my results.  My hcg numbers went from 81 to 144.  It isn't doubled but it's close.  She seemed very optimistic and said it's a good number, even though it's not the 160 we were hoping for - she said it's still good.  I'm not so sure.  This spotting seems so much like last time when we lost the baby.

*                   *                  *                      *

October 9, 2005   sunday

I am waiting - patiently I might add - for my newest hcg levels.  Last week, tuesday I was very sick with some flu-like virus but stopped spotting for 3 days!  Thursday night I had some pink blood, but haven't been spotting since.  I had blood work done friday morning and this morning.  Hopefully I will get results soon tomorrow.  Then I have an ultrasound on tuesday.  I'm not sure what it will show though since I ovulated on day 19 or 20 instead of day 14 like  you're "supposed to". 

This period of time was so filled with hcg numbers, and waiting for phone calls, and checking for blood, and getting blood drawn (it's a good thing I'm not squeamish about blood!) and worrying, and more and more worrying. 

Can I just say that waiting for your hcg levels is a killer.  It's awful knowing that there are answers to some of your questions just sitting on someone's computer somewhere, and you have to wait for someone to call you to let you know how your pregnancy is doing.

Click here to find out the results and what happened next. 

Have any of you ever been through this experience?  It sucks... big time doesn't it.

Wishful Wednesday

~ I wish my babies wouldn't get sick.

~ I wish I could clone myself (don't we all!?).

~ I wish cookies were good for me (have I used that one before).

~ I wish we didn't have plumbing problems.

~ I wish for my good friends that just got married a lifetime of happiness and love!

Your turn!  What are you wishing for? hoping for? crossing your fingers for?

The Caterpillars are Falling

Last week the clouds parted, the rain stopped, the sun came out, and we got busy in the garden!

Another thing that came out?

Caterpillars!

Lots of caterpillars!  We found at least half a dozen every day.  They would just drop down from the trees on threads of silk, and the kids would carry them around until we would decide it was time to find them a good tree to live on.

It's a good thing we had a lot of time outside last week, because last weekend they got sick with fevers.

Get better kids!!

And the Winner is...

And the winner of the $10 Amazon giftcard is......

Mrs Thull!!

MrsThull said...



Your Face-book post about blogging were the inspiration for mine! :) I need a hit counter!


~Congratulations Mrs Thull!  Contact me to get me your email address I can send your Amazon giftcard!

You can check out her brand new blog here!

The Hills Are Alive!

First: Did you enter the giveaway to win a $10 Amazon giftcard? Click here: Here's the giveaway post
 good luck!

Second:
Remember when you were in High School and you would hang out in the music department?  Walk to your classes with your friends while singing show tunes in 4 part harmony?  Stay after school on the last day of your senior year to finish organizing the choral music library?  Join in on the instant and fun (yet a bit less risque) club scene created in the auditorium when the tech guys blare the top 40 over sound system?  Obsess over your Good News script for two months to the point where you've inevitably memorized everyone's lines in any scene you were in?... Obsess to the point of sneaking into the theater, and script swapping when it's all said and done so that you could keep said script that has come to mean so much to you (it is after all going to be destroyed soon anyway)?  Do you still remember the smell of the dressing room?

No? You dont??

Well I guess it's just me, and some of my closest friends from the good ol' days!

I was a choir/drama geek, and I was this before Glee made it cool.

It is cool now right?

....

RIGHT?

Oh well, but I was a choir and drama geek and proud of it!  I lived choir and plays, my highschool experience would have been quite empty and meaningless without those activities and, most of all, the amazing friends I met there!

For the past 10 years I've been craving it.  I crave the music, the talented people that could surround me, the diving into a role to the point where you become pretty sure you actually are that character (to the point of taking an astronomy class in college since you had played an astronomy professor - must perpetuate the obsession!), the learning and performing of choreography, the harmony, the crazy butterflys and adrenaline rush on performing nights, the applause!

"I need applause to LIVE!" - Rachel from Glee... I don't really need applause to live, just coffee :o)

Several years ago I auditioned for the community theater's production of South Pacific.  I was so excited to be back, but I was very early into a pregnancy that wasn't going well, and I needed to be resting as much as I could, not staying out late every night and still maintaining the housework/family life.  So I had to call and take my name out of the applicants before auditions had ended.  Every summer since then I've either been pregnant or had a baby to take care of, and didn't have the time to be part of a play.  UNTIL NOW!

This spring I had decided that unless the play was something I had never heard of or really didn't like, I was going to try out!  Turns out the play was The Sound of Music!!   My baby would be one, my daughter didn't have sports games every other evening for me to be at, and I needed something like this in my life.  And not only was I going to audition, but Sweet Pea also wanted to be in the play.  We picked out songs to sing and spent a little time every evening practicing up for our auditions.  I sang, "Feed the Birds" from Mary Poppins, and Sweet Pea sang, "Tomorrow" from Annie. 

On the night of the auditions we showed up to the same High School that Spencer and I went to a decade ago.  The same school, but the much bigger, much better theater that had been built a couple years after I graduated. 

I was nervous, but Sweet Pea was more nervous so I had to get over my nerves quickly so I could keep her calm and not scare her more.  Of course I told her I was nervous too, that everyone was, and that she was great at her song and would do a great job!

I went first, and was definately nervous.  I had practiced moving around while I sang my audition song so I wouldn't just stand there like a statue while I sang, but when it came down to the audition, I suddenly had trouble figuring out what to do with my body while singing.  Because of this I probably looked more nervous than I was, less comfortable on the stage, and didn't sing as well as I could have, but I was happy with it because I managed to get up there after all these years and not pass out in front of my daughter!

Sweet Pea sang her song right on pitch, right on tempo, though a bit quieter than when she was practicing in the basement (to be expected of course!)  She did such a great job and I was beaming at her the whole time!  After she sang the directer had her do it again with me out of the room so she couldn't see me.  I stood just inside the door so I could hear her but so she couldn't see me.  The director had her picture someone in the back seats and sing all the way out to them, and to not fiddle with her skirt.  I don't know about the skirt part but she sounded great!

After we left the auditorium and I praised her courage and awesomeness, she told me that she was so nervous she was tingling!  She was tingling everywhere! 

This is her showing me how she was playing with her skirt :o)

This is her nervous face...

I was among the people asked to stay after and read some parts, but Sweet Pea wasn't.  She was devistated.  She so badly wanted to be Marta and was nearly in tears when the kids who got to read parts were done and she thought it was all over for her.  I tried to comfort her and tell her that the first musical I auditioned for (and I wasn't 7 years old, I was in 9th grade) I didn't get in at all, but I kept at it until I was getting better and better parts.  

Last Sunday night I got an email with a cast list that included both of us!  I'm playing Sister Margaretta and SP is in the childrens chorus!  Spence had to stop me when I told him that I wanted to go wake her up and tell her she got in, he was totally right, and I anxiously waited until she woke up the next morning.  She was very excited and couldn't wait to tell people she got in!

I am so excited to be back singing and performing again!  After years of taking care of other people's needs I am finally doing something big for myself, and I get to share it with my first born daughter!

Our house is alive, with the sound of music!

sorry, it had to be done :o)

Our story of Grief and Joy - Part 3

Before you read this post, please click here to start with Part 1.

After seeing the very unexpected heartbeat at our ultrasound, we were cautiously excited.  We had praying constantly that God would let our baby be ok.  That we would carry this baby to term and give birth to a healthy baby that winter.  We are Christians, we know God, we have faith, we prayed a lot about this baby, why should we think anything other than what we were praying would happen??

June 18, 2005

Seven weeks four days pregnant.  For the past four days I've been spotting on and off when I wipe.  At the same time it started, I had begun taking a baby asprin once per day.  [A daycare parent] recommended asking my doctor about it because her fertility doctor told her it sometimes can help sustain a troubled pregnancy.  I called my doc and asked about it.  Dr. K said to go ahead, so Tuesday night Spencer went to pick some up.  The next day I started spotting.  I'm hoping that nothing is wrong.  Maybe there's a blood clot and the asprin is breaking it up.  We pray for a healthy baby!  Yesterday we reached the point that we miscarried with baby #2.  I'm not sure if I'm having dull cramping or if I'm just very tense from worrying about the spotting.

June 22, 2005

We lost the baby.

I started bleeding heavily at 4:30 PM Monday and went to Urgent Care right away.  The doctor said with the amount of blood, it looked like I was miscarrying.  I had an ultrasound yesterday and the baby was gone. 

It measured at 6 weeks and I should have been 8 weeks.  Apparently the baby died right after our last ultrasound.  To have seen his or her tiny little heart beating, and to feel hope that this baby was going to make it, only for it to stop beating hurts so much I can't even put it into words. 

Our baby's heart was beating, then it stopped.

I have a follow-up with my OB this morning.  I'm having really bad cramping this morning, so I'll write more later

********

While having my exam, I passed the baby.  It wasn't even together anymore, but had fallen apart.  I had to remind myself that the baby's soul is with God.

My cervix was wide open so she went into my uterus with a suction catheder and removed what she could of the tissue.  There may still be more - my hcg tests will tell if its all gone.  The suction caused bad and sudden contractions that hurt like hell!  I can see why they put you to sleep for a full D&C - it's painful!  It felt a lot like going from feeling fine, to being in the worst contractions of labor instantly.

I explained very short and simply to [Sweet Pea] that the baby that was in Mommy's tummy is gone now, it's not in my tummy anymore - it's in heaven with Jesus.

When this happened Sweet Pea was 2 1/2 years old.  She had been so excited to have a sister or brother.  After this miscarriage, she developed an imaginary sister.  She played with her sister, talked to her sister, and talked about her sister for several months until it disappeared.  This was a reminder to us that we weren't the only ones hurt by this loss, she had lost a baby sibling as well.

I promise that this story does eventually end in joy.  It was quite a journey.  Click here for part 4, where we get set to try again and have a bunch of blood work done...

Wishful Wednesday

~ I wish this headache would go away.

~ I wish there was a new episode of Glee every night!  That show gets better and better!

~ I wish we would have gotten scripts for the play tonight, they've not arrived yet, I'm anxious to see what my singing/acting parts are!

~I wish window air conditioners would install themselves... heavy!

Your turn!  What are you wishing?

~ I wish I could cuddle with the kids all day long!  I love it!

Monsters, Cats, and Company

Last week our theme was Friendly Monsters.  Along with learning about the diamond shape, letter Y, and playing math games, we talked about fears, real vs. make-believe, how monsters we see on tv and movies are pretend - either people wearing costumes, or made up pictures. We talked about bedtime routines and how doing the same thing every night and going to bed with something special can help us feel safe, and go to sleep easier, and so much more!  We also made these fun little one-eyed monster puppets!  They were friendly monsters who liked to give us hugs and talk in funny voices, they even helped us clean up!

Babydoll came to me with her drawing of a cat!  Of course I had to grab my camera!

Last Thursday I wasn't feeling well, nasty cold, remember the boogers?  Yeah, they got me! 

I had fallen asleep on the couch while watching tv with Spence, and when I woke up...

well...

I woke up to this....

right in front of my face

then I looked up a little...

Spence said he didn't want me to be without company if I woke up while he was downstairs checking his computer game, so he left me some... company.

Organizing, Bouncing, Surviving, Singing, and Turtles

No time for pictures tonight, it was a busy weekend and I need to go to bed soon!  I'll post pics when I get the chance though.  We tackled our garage this weekend and started organizing what is going in my sister-in-law's garage sale, what is going to goodwill, and what is going to our town's amnesty day garbage collection.  It feels really good to get rid of stuff that's been taking up space and waiting to go to the dump or to a new home!

I started pulling up the gigantic dandilions that have invaded our flower/rock beds.  I have to get them all up so the kids and I can start planting flowers and vegetables!  I'm excited to get the kids involved in growing vegetables, hopefully it will work to make them more excited about eating veggies! 

Spencer's mom found a bouncy castle at a garage sale and we got that up this weekend, our girls didn't do much other than jump in it everytime we had it on/inflated!  Even Little Man liked it, which I wasn't sure about, I have found a giant playpen that he can play in while I do garden work! ps. I hate garden work, I grow people, not plants!!

I moved my wrapping paper/easter basket/ hallween bucket/ prize bag/ stuff from one of the upstairs hall closets down to the basement, it now all fits in a box and a wrapping paper bin under my old desk!  In that closet I now have the brooms hanging, vaccuum cleaner, and mop/mop bucket, I love it!  I'm not keeping the mop solution in there though since it'll be opened often to use the brooms and I don't want to worry about the little one's getting into it.

This afternoon my mother-in-law, kids, and myself went to a local hotel pool to swim.  Sweet Pea had a blast swimming in the deep end, playing with her noodle and the ball that was there.  Babydoll was afraid of drowning so would not let me let go of her, even with her "puddle jumper" life jacket thing, but she had a blast too!  And Little Man surprised me big time by fearlessly floating around in his new inflatable turtle!  He had so much fun leaning over the edge of it so his hand could be in the water and splashing himself around the pool (this by the way makes his mommy very nervous as I was convinced he would tip it over and be scared of the water forever). 

Spence and I finished the weekend off by watching the Survivor season finale!  I didn't get everything done today that I wanted to, but I did pretty well!

Oh and Sweet Pea and I both were cast in The Sound of Music for our community theater!  It was Sweet Pea's very first audition and she got in!  She's in the "Melk Abbey Childrens Chorus", and I am Sister Margareta, which I think is perfect because it's been 10 years since I've done any theater and I wasn't feeling ready for a big part after spending all this time rusting away!  I'm happy to be in it, and to have a named role!

That's it for today, gotta straighten up a little and go to bed!!

My First Giveaway!

Last fall I became slightly obsessed with reading blogs, I had found entertainment that I could read for a couple minutes, and then move on with my evening.  The more I read, the more I began dreaming of a blog of my own.  What it would look like, what I would write, a creative outlet that was all mine.

Shortly after begining my blog I wanted to know if anyone other than my mom was reading it, so in early January I put up a hit counter.  I would get excited when my hits for the day would get above ten!  Now I get excited when they get up in the 50's and 60's!  I know that's nothing compared to the big blogs that I read, but it makes me smile :o)

On wednesday my hit counter hit the 3000 mark, and to celebrate I'm going to do something I've been wanting to do for a while now... A GIVEAWAY!!!  

So because free stuff is so fun, and I love comments, I'm giving away one $10 Amazon giftcard!  If you win, I'll ask for your email address and an electronic giftcard will be emailed to you.

To enter:  leave me a comment... any old comment you want... under this post anytime between now and the end of the day on Friday May 21st and you're entered to win!  Only one entry per person please.  After May 21st I will use random.org to pick a winner who will then be awarded their $10 Amazon giftcard!

Our story of Grief and Joy - Part 2

If you haven't read part one yet, read that first, please and thank you.

We thought we'd get pregnant for the third time pretty easily, we hadn't had any difficulty before, so we were a bit surprised when we didn't get pregnant right away.  I wasn't terribly surprised to not be pregnant the first month of trying since we had just had the miscarriage and I figured my body wasn't quite back to normal yet, though we were disappointed.  I was more surprised when the second month went by with no positive pregnancy tests.  A few months later, we still weren't expecting.  I started tracking temperatures, ovulation charts, ovulation predictor sticks, and getting more and more frustrated.  A few more months went by and we were still not pregnant.  They say the stress of trying so hard to get pregnant can make it harder to get pregnant, so for a couple months we tried to relax a bit and leave the sticks, temperatures, and charts alone and just take a pregnancy test when it was time... that didn't work either.  Needless to say I was worried that I was broken.  I prayed a very thankful prayer that we had been "surprised" by our daughter's arrival since maybe there was something wrong with me and she had been our miracle baby.

At a family Easter celebration in 2005, our cousins arrived with their daughter and brand new baby.  He was born the same week that our little angel baby had been due.  This fact didn't escape me but he was family and adorable and very loved, so I held him.  I choked back tears.  I had to hand him off after just a couple minutes (I generally hog babies for as long as I can get away with).  I couldn't help but look at him and see, instead of our new cousin, our baby - in my arms - having his or her first Easter. That was an incredibly painful afternoon, I hadn't been expecting to have those feelings, I hadn't expected it to hit me that hard.

Nearly a year went by before we finally got a positive pregnancy test!  When I was about 6 weeks pregnant I decided to go buy a journal to keep track of my thoughts, fears, and joys of this journey to the birth of our second child.  I will be sharing that journal, well most of it, here with you.  My hope for sharing our story here is that it will help heal others who have gone through the same things we have gone through.  I remember reading/writing on online support websites just trying to reach out to others who knew what I was feeling. The plain black print are my thoughts and experiences that were not recorded in my journal.

June 11, 2005

Only about 6 1/2 weeks pregnant and WOAH what a rollar coaster ride!  I am so happy to be pregnant again after 11 months of trying!  We decided a while back we would only tell immediate family and a few close friends, so we've pretty much stuck to that in case something happens.

On Tuesday May 31, I had an internal ultrasound that showed an empty embrionic sac.  This was not a good sign, as they were expecting to see more there.  They drew blood to check my hCG levels and again on Thursday.  hCG is a pregnancy hormone that is supposed to double every 48 hours in the early weeks of pregnancy.  Friday they called and said my hCG level went from 5100 to 5900 instead of jumping to 10,000.  The doctor had told us that if the levels didn't go up enough then it ment we were losing the baby, or that there may have never been an embryo there in the first place.  After receiving the news of our measly little 5900 we cried and grieved for another loss. 

After a horrible weekend that we had planned on celebrating our anniversary, I had an ultrasound on Monday June 6th  to confirm a miscarriage.  The mood in the sonogram room was somber, we knew we weren't there to listen to a heartbeat, watch a tiny embryo wiggle wround, or rejoice in the blessing of new life.  We were there to confirm that the baby, or lack thereof, was indeed gone.  Then something happened that blew us out of the water.

After a lot of measuring and studying and silence, the technician said, "I have a heartbeat here."

My breath caught in my throat and I just focused on the ultrasound screen.  Spencer jumped out of his seat to get to the screen.  All I could choke out was, "What??"  I couldn't believe it.  There on the screen in front of us was a yoke sac that hadn't been there last week, and an embryo with a heartbeat!  A heartbeat!!  The heartbeat was 127.  The tech told us that normal at this point is 120-160. 

So we are still expecting a little winter baby, though we're not sure of the due date.  I ovulated on May 4th, which puts the due date at January 25th, but the last ultrasound had the baby measuring 1 1/2 weeks smaller.  So I'm a little confused about that and the hCG levels but we are praying for a healthy baby in January!

Click here to read part 3.

Wishful Wednesday

~ I am wishful that I will get a part, any part, in the community theater production of The Sound of Music!

~ I wish I could spare my children pain.

~ I wish I always knew the right thing to say, I try.

~ I wish there was more time in the evening before I really need to get to bed.

Your turn! What are you wishful for?

Mother's Day Crafts and More

In daycare last week the theme was May Flowers and Gardens, and of course Mom.  We made butterfly crafts, flower crafts, talked about gardening, seeds, started growing some carrot seeds (which we have been unable to get in an actual garden yet since it's been so dang cold!), played new math games and math enrichment sheets, sang a lot of "Baby Bumblebee", and so much more!!  I really want to get better at taking pictures of the kids art work and enrichments to show you!

Last week we made our Mother's Day gifts!  The kids decorated cute metal buckets with ribbons, filled them with rice or birdseed, and then made cute purple flower bouquets out of construction paper or cardstock, and stuck ladybug stickers to them!  The preschool kids are little so their flowers are very freeform.  They worked so hard on them and I was so proud of their work!

And these are my Mother's Day presents!  Babydoll and Sweet Pea made me flower bouquet crafts, and then while SP was away on her very first sleep-over with one of my daycare kids, her very sweet mom helped Sweet Pea pick out a bouquet of gerber daisies for me!  The lilacs border 3 sides of our property, and I love having cut lilacs in the house while they're still blooming!

Another thing I had the kids fill out was a worksheet about their mom.  I have included a link to google documents so you can steal it and use it next year.  There's a space for them to draw a picture of mom, and then questions about mom that they dictate their answers to you, or fill out on their own depending on skill level.  Beware, it can be a really sweet project to receive... but also a little embarrassing.... just beware :o)

Mom worksheet
I'm having some google docs problems so if the link isn't working please let me know so I can try to fix that!

I'm going to leave you today with a couple pictures!  Like I said before, SP went on her first sleep over! she talked of little else in the week leading up to it and was so excited!  She wanted to bring some toys with her, which is why she has an extra bag.  She had a great time and came home extremely tired!  It took a couple days for her to get back to normal again, but I think it was worth it!

And here's Babydoll dressed up as a "Sailor-bot" (I have no idea!)

Boogers

Boogers

Boogers on their noses

Runny runny noses.

Boogers on their lips

Afraid to kiss those lips.

I hug the booger kids

Boogers on my arm.

Boogers walk around the house

Boogers boogers everywhere.

Thank You Mom

Dear Mom,

Thank you for sitting with me when everyone finished dinner but me, so I didn't have to eat alone.

Thank you for putting on your snow suit and playing outside with me in the snow.

Thank you for listening every single time I needed someone to talk to.

Thank you for caring what the heck I was up to.

Thank you for teaching me about hot cocoa and peanut butter toast.

Thank you for teaching me how to take care of myself.

Thank you for all the piano lessons, they had a big impact on my life.

Thank you for going to every softball and basketball game, no matter how much I stunk at it.

Thank you for supporting my choir/drama obsessions.

Thank you for passing down those artistic genes to me.

Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog.

Thank you for being such a great example of how to be a mom!

I love you!  Happy Mother's Day!

Our story of Grief and Joy - Part 1

In April of 2004, our daughter Sweet Pea was a year and a half, we decided it was time to start trying to have a second child.  We felt like we were ready to expand our family, and I was getting that urge to bring another child into the world.  We knew it could take some time to get pregnant, but when in our first month of trying we got a positive pregnancy test, we were so excited!  Spencer was at work, I was home alone with SP, when I took the pregnancy test.  Before the 3 minutes were up I had a positive, I was so excited that I immediately ran into the living room, dropped down to SP, and told her, "you're going to be a big sister!  We're going to have another baby!  You're going to have a baby brother or sister to play with!!"  I started telling her about how there was a baby in mommy's tummy, and imagining her as a big sister! 

Spencer and I were thrilled about the news and told everyone we knew, eager to bring them into our excitement.  Plans were made and preparations started.  My due date was the last week of January, 2005.

In June we planned a trip several hours north of us to the town where my dad lived when he was young, where his family was from, and where a few of them still lived.  It was a family reunion and we were excited to get up there, meet people we hadn't met, see people I hadn't seen in several years, and enjoy some relaxation and fun.

About an hour into our drive North, I started feeling cramping.  I thought I was bloated, that it was gas, so I unbuttoned my jeans to relieve the pressure and relax.  The cramping quickly got worse and I was getting nervous so I asked Spencer to pull over somewhere so I could use a bathroom.  Spencer pulled up to a gas station or something and I ducked into a bathroom quickly.  When I pulled down my pants I was horrified... speechless.... stunned... I couldn't move.  There was blood.... a lot of blood... too much blood.  Then I started crying.  I grabbed a handful of toilet paper and wiped, only to find even more blood.  Panicking, I cleaned up what I could and stuffed toilet paper into my underwear.  It was such a long walk to the truck where my husband and daughter were waiting for me.  I wasn't sure what to do, what to say, who to call... what to do. 

I got into the truck and told Spencer that I was bleeding, a lot.  He looked horrified, and I thought I must be seeing a reflection of my own face.  We immediately called our doctor's office and were told to go to the emergency room since it was a weekend and the clinic was closed.  We were a couple hours away from the hospital now, so it was a long drive filled with fear.  We called my mom to let them know what had happened and that we weren't making it up to the reunion.  I could hear the fear in their voices, this had come completely out of the blue to everyone.

When we walked into the hospital emergency room, there were a lot of people waiting to be seen.  A new wave of panic swept over me when I thought I'd have to wait for all of these people to be in and out before they'd be able to check on our baby, but when I told the person checking people in that I was pregnant, cramping, and bleeding and that our doctor said to get here right away, they immediately got us to a room.

Things got fuzzy from here out, but the doctor had told us that I was dilated and had miscarried, the baby was gone.  That's the last thing I remember, it was too painful to remember. 

What I do remember though was the pain, the pain of contractions that brought no happy ending, the pain of telling our little girl that the baby was gone, the pain of all the dreams we had already dreamed for our child disappearing, the pain of telling people over and over that we lost the baby, the pain of not knowing why.... and the emptiness.  I distinctly remember the emptiness I felt.  It felt exactly like my entire body was hollow, when I wasn't feeling pain I felt nothing.  Just emptiness.  I remember one evening when I was alone, I couldn't take the empty feeling and started eating.  I ate an entire package of cookies, drank a lot of milk, ate as much as I could until I felt sick.  I wanted to feel sick, at least that was something I could feel.  I didn't want to throw up, I just wanted the stomach ache, I wanted to feel something in my body.

My doctor told us that we'd be able to start trying after a month or two if we were ready.  We gave it a full month and started trying again. 

We thought we'd get pregnant right away again.  Our first child had come unplanned, and we had gotten pregnant so quickly the second time that we had no reason to expect difficulty getting pregnant, only fear of losing another baby. 

Things didn't go as planned....

Click HERE to read part 2