My Dear Son

My Dear Son,
While you're sleeping peacefully in your crib, left thumb in mouth, right arm curled around your teddy bear blanky, I'm thinking back on your birth, one year ago.

You were special from the start, you have always been a happy baby!  You're whole 12 months of life we'd constantly get compliments on your temperment, and your smile!  Even from the time you were developing inside me you were special.  My pregnancy with you was wonderful.  Unlike with your sisters, I wasn't overly tired, the morning sickness never got bad enough to make me throw up (previous 2 pregnancies that stuck had me throwing up all the time), I felt good!  You were a mellow little guy in there, you didn't move around a ton, just enough to know you were doing well.  And then about 2 weeks before the date you were "supposed" to be born, the doctor told me you were breach, and my blood pressure was a little high.  BREACH? Pre-eclampsia?  I had thought that after having two prior uneventful and fairly easy labor and deliveries, that you would be a piece of cake (piece of cake as far as labors and deliveries CAN go).  You, on the other hand, wanted to be different.  You didn't want to travel around head down, you didn't want to squeeze through a birth canal, you didn't want to wait patiently for your due date, you wanted to take the shortcut out :o)  So the pre-eclampsia got to the point where it was time to deliver, and you were still butt down, and I was scheduled for a c-section.

I was pretty worried about the whole c-section thing when I heard I would probably need one, but by the time I needed it I was comfortable and looking forward to meeting my baby a little earlier, and without all the pain, and pain, and did I mention pain? 

When they were ready to pull you out, they wheeled over a mirror and I was able to watch you be born!  I didn't know that was an option with a c-section, but was so excited to be able to see your birth!  We had chosen not to find out if you were a boy or girl until you were born, so the anticipation was nearly killing us by the time you were arriving. With you being our last baby, as far as we know of the future, we were hoping for a boy, but knew we wouldn't care the second you were born and we laid eyes on you.   Looking into the mirror at your tiny little hiney coming out I thought I saw a penis, I thought I saw that you were a boy, but my mind was swimming and emotions were flying and I couldn't be sure what I was seeing was true.  I asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?"  My doctor replied, "Can't you see?"  Me, "I'm not sure!"  Doctor, "You have a baby boy!"  The flood of emotion after your baby is born is so amazing, so powerful, it's impossible to describe.  The best I can come up with is "Sheer and ultimate JOY!   

You were born at 2:14 PM on Friday March 13, 2009.  You weighed 8lb 4oz, and were 21.5 inches long!  Biggest baby of the bunch!  I got a few brief moments with you before you were whisked off to the little room next door with your daddy while I tried to get my vomiting under control (yep, held off throughout the pregnancy, but childbirth whether the normal way or not, will still bring the vomit) and while they sewed me up.  I was lieing on the table wondering how you were doing, and trying to feel better, when I heard a baby crying nearby.  I asked, "Is that my baby?" and my doctor smiled and told me that yes, it was my baby.  What was left of my heart melted away! What a glorious sound, your baby's first cry! 

I was pretty happy with my c-section experience.  The only thing that made me sad was not being able to hold him the second he was born.  I missed that with him.  But I try not to look at it that way, I try to see that if I had had a "normal" birth I wouldn't have been able to hold him for several more days, so the hour I had to wait (which flew by since I didn't feel well) wasn't really so bad.  It helped knowing you were with your daddy, and he was holding you, bonding with you, and letting you know you are loved.

Finally after I was taken to my room, our room, Daddy and the nurses brought you to me.  They couldn't have put you in my arms fast enough, I couldn't wait! 

You nursed well right away as I marveled at how God had blessed me with such an amazing family!  I am so thankfull to have you as a son!  The first two nights after the surgery were pretty rough, but I was just so thankfull that you were here, in my arms.  We spent 3 days in the hospital getting to know you, bonding with the newest addition to our family.  Eating Combos and drinking gallons of water and trying to nurse, a lot. 

You had nursed pretty well at first, but when the milk came in you got frustrated and quit on us.  A pediatian, lactation consultant, and 2 nurses telling us to do different things weren't helping and I cried more than I would have liked.  You lost a lot of weight, but not quite enough to require suppliments, so we kept at it and eventually you were drinking enough.  You were also a little jaundiced, but nothing requiring treatment.  You were pooping plenty and the doctors told us that passing all that meconium would help the jaundice.  Just a couple days after we got home, you had gained enough weight that we were able to breath a sigh of relief. 

You were here, you were healthy, you were ours forever, and my world is a better place because of it!

Love,

     Mom